- Original: In her experiments, students were given slightly hard math problems to solve, and students with fixed mindsets reacted in a negative way. Some students viewed the experience as “tragic, catastrophic. From their more fixed mindset perspective, their intelligence had been up for judgment, and they failed” (00:36). These students felt as though it was the end of the world that they were unable to solve these problems.
Revised: In her experiments, students were given slightly hard math problems to solve, and students with fixed mindsets reacted in a negative way. Those students believed the task was “tragic [and] catastrophic. From their more fixed mindset perspective, their intelligence had been up for judgement and they failed” (00:36). These children were presented with a task that was supposed to be hard, but their minds told them that their skills were not enough to figure it out. The fixed mindsets of these kids made them believe their skills were not enough and could never be enough.
Explanation: I changed the introduction of the quote to make sure the quote flowed better as a sentence. I also added brackets for the same reason because the original quote with just a comma felt very weird as an incomplete sentence. I also tried to change the explanation of the quote to fit more into the idea of the essay.
2) Original: Yet, when thinking critically our fixed mindset can change. In “The Coddling” by Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt they stated that “critical thinking requires grounding one’s beliefs in evidence rather than in emotion or desire, and learning how to search for and evaluate evidence that might contradict one’s initial hypothesis” (para. 19). Critical thinking and emotions decide whether we stay in a fixed mindset or break out into a growth mindset to think of new ways around a problem.
Revised: Yet, when thinking critically our fixed mindset can change. In The Coddling, Lukianoff and Haidt perceive critical thinking as “grounding one’s beliefs in evidence rather than in emotion or desire, and learning how to search for and evaluate evidence that might contradict one’s original hypothesis” (para. 19). Critical thinking is a skill that can be improved upon with a growth mindset, this skill can allow those with fixed mindsets to rationalize the problem and work through it.
Explanation: I changed the introduction of the quote since I had already introduced the article and the authors earlier, so I no longer needed their first names. I also changed the word “stated” to “perceive” because the quote shows what the authors think critical thinking is, not stating the definition. Also changed the explanation of the quote because the original explanation was a little confusing to follow after the quote.
3) Original: Dweck explains how she observed which children possessed a growth mindset out of all the children who received the same math problems as mentioned before. “Some of them reacted in a shockingly positive way . . . They understood that their abilities could be developed. They had what I call a growth mindset” (00:36). Those students weren’t held back by their emotions, but were stimulated at the idea of trying something new.
Revised: Dweck explains how she observed which children possessed a growth mindset out of all the children who received the same math problems as mentioned before. Compared to the fixed mindset students, she saw some students “[react] in a shockingly positive way . . . They understood that their abilities could be developed. They had what I call a growth mindset ” (00:36). These students did not think about the fact that their skills might not be enough to solve the problems, they just dove right into them. They were excited by the idea of trying something new, which is pivotal for having a growth mindset.
Explanation: I had to add in an introduction to this quote because I forgot to in the original so it was a free standing quote. So, the introduction I added makes the quote fit better into the overall paragraph and gives something to go off for why the quote is actually there. I also added brackets since the word “reacted” wouldn’t have been grammatically correct and would have made the whole sentence sound off. For the explanation of the quote I tried to change it around but I’m not sure if it makes more sense or even less sense than the original explanation. Overall, changing the signal phrases/ introductions of each quote made them feel easier to read as just one sentence instead of a clear distinction of the introduction and the quote.
